Apr 25, 2013

The weight of sewing

My weight is always something I have struggled with, most of my life I have been thin, sometimes far too thin, from lack of confidence I had always felt that if I harshly controlled my weight then I was somehow better looking which would lead to feeling happier about life.

Now being a little older and wiser, and suffer chronic pain which limits my exercise which all leads to comfort eating in front of the telly, I am suffering being overweight for the first time in my life. I'm not happy about it, I'm not going to ruin myself over it like I once would have, but it has got to a point where my doctor's are telling me I need to loose weight for my health and back issues...which makes me feel terrible. Let alone the fact that I feel myself shying away from my partner, I have always felt very strongly that everyone owes it to their partners to keep themselves looking their best no matter how long they have been together, and we have been together for half a decade...so the last thing I want to inflict apon my love is my recent fattiness. Sigh.

Which brings me to my issue at hand, sewing clothes. Do I really want to sew up a fabric that makes me swoon in the size I am now (which makes me teary) when I plan to loose weight? (fingers crossed) or do I just accept that this is who I am for right now and if my garments cannot be brought in once weight IS lost, then merely see them as a practise? I refuse to get any bigger than I am now, it is NOT happening and I would literally half starve myself if I noticed anymore gain, so it's only possibly becoming smaller is the issue.
One of my dreams is to make my own Chanel jacket one day (patterns in the mail!) but I know such an undertaking, both skill and price wise, it has to go in the "when I dont feel like a blob" pile.

So how about you? Does your weight affect your choice in what you sew with?

In other new's I have been worried, I have had another MRI on my spine, and one on my brain. My Neurologist was looking for what he thought to be MS, but thank the heavens I do not seem to have that nor a tumor that they where worried of, but it is looking like I may have fluid on the brain...which means scary things. I am afraid, but it might finally be an answer to the problems that have taken over my life for the past two years. I pray for a day without pain again.